Sunday, August 11, 2013


tonight i was thinking about regrets in my life. As i was praying the rosary the thought of my 8th grade teacher crossed my mind.Not sure why.This was a good distraction.It must have been a grace received from praying the rosary. Sister must be a saint. Her name was Sister Edwards and she was a Sister of Mercy.We had nuns in every class then.Best teachers. Those were the days. I spent the entire class year tormenting her and in her patience and wisdom tried to get through to me by keeping me after school.It did not work but it wasn't for lack of effort(and hope)on her part. I told her how sorry i was in the thought and continued on with the rosary.

The next part is not exactly a regret.Mom had my aunt over for dinner along with a few other guests-dad had passed away-and she was recalling how she babysat the two of us(one brother). One of us made a comment at which Aunt ______said that we were actually pretty good except for this one time. (Two if you count the time I climbed on a little step stool and cut my nose wide open or broke it) Anyway,mom was going down to the store to spend the day at work with dad. I wanted to go with her. She said no. I begged and pleaded. She said no. In the end brother and I went out to play in the sandbox out in the backyard. Aunt recalls that neighbor asked her if she knew where i was and to her knowledge I was in that sandbox.Nope. Neighbor said it looked like i was headed towards town. Aunt thought on her feet and had a good idea of where i was headed. To this day she does not know how i got as far as i did safely. I just wanted to go with mom. I had that same feeling when mom passed away. I wish i could be with you mom but it's not the time yet.

The real regrets of my life are being a difficult teen.Not having the sense or brains to appreciate how our parents tried to bring us up. For those who much is given,much is expected. I threw that out the window. The other regret is that i didn't spend a little more time with dad the day he passed or that i didn't go over to see mom the night before she passed. Finally the biggest regret of my life is not being a better mother for my son and that we never got the relationship patched up. It is not going to happen and i have the nagging feeling it is far too late to even try now.Besides we would both have to want to and i'm not seeing that.

It's unfortunate but the sky is still blue and the grass is still green.Yes, I am sorry but i can't take it back.I know in Confession we are absolved of our sins.It is all i can do. We go on until we die.Some things i will never regret:

  • returning to the Catholic Church
  • keeping in touch with my brother even though he was angry with me
  • Visiting my elderly aunts even when i wasn't invited
  • Going to Confession
  • Marriage
  • attempting (as awkward as it was)to talk to my son
  • adopting "kizzy" as my grand daughter-she really needed a nana
  • living across the street from mom and dad,
  • spending time with dad in the garden and TRYING to be there for mom when she was ill-although i believe now i could have done more.
  • Starting our Catholic board and meeting Portia and Storyteller Angel
  • Voting for Herman Cain and finally Mitt Romney
  • Finding Fr Z's blog
  • Finding all the good folks on the internet,like Jared,Carl Boyd Jr,"FLO" and i will never forget James Williams. I met him on Twitter and he died before he saw Herman Cain drop out of the race. The man was awesome.
  • The little dinners with Verna. It's all i can really do for her. She does so much for everyone else.I hope we can have more soon.
  • Even hot dogs on the grill are delicious.

    I KNOW in spite of how it turned out i will never regret carrying my son to term and they day we brought him home. Happiest day of my life.Seriously.

    Husband is reminding me that i've been here quite awhile; good reason to wrap it up here and call it a night.

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